Bend it Like L. Ron

This hit the wires yesterday, but I was too busy ranting about work to comment.

Can Beckham sell the U.S. on soccer?

Basically the story goes like this: David Beckham, one of the word's biggest soccer players, is losing his touch by European standards, and appears to be looking for a graceful exit from that stage. Even though Major League Soccer in the U.S. has managed to stay afloat for 11 years, despite the U.S. men's team performance two world cups ago, despite the fact that the U.S. women's team dominates, despite the fact that Brandy Chastain flashed the world, and despite the fact that Mia Hamm was properly hot and seemed to be everywhere for awhile, soccer struggles to gain mindshare in America. A lot of people think soccer is for pansies.

So, why would Beckham ditch his stardom for the land where soccer is for little boys and football is for men? I'm sure his $250 million salary is a big reason. I question the rationale of spending that kind of cash on one player in a league where many players make a very average, middle-American salary.

Here's what Beckham has to say about the move:

"Beckham said in a statement Thursday that the move had stemmed in part from his desire to help raise the profile of soccer in the United States.

'There are so many great sports in America,' he said. 'There are so many kids that play baseball, American football, basketball. But soccer is huge all around the world apart from America, so that's where I want to make a difference with the kids.'"

Why would a foreigner want to help raise the profile of soccer in the U.S.? I know we're the third world of soccer, but c'mon. This is lame and surely a statement his publicist concocted.

My money is on Tom Cruise and Scientology. Somewhere along the way, Becks and his wife Posh Spice befriended Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes even making it on their wedding guest list. I'm sure they've spent enough time with each other for Tom Cruise to convert both Becks and Posh to Scientologists. They may also need a U.S. visa, not sure how that works for famous people who just want to hang around Hollywood. He was conveniently recruited to play for the L.A. team.

It'll be interesting to see if he even has much celebrity status in the U.S. I venture to say that learned sports fans may know who he is, even those that hate soccer. A few more people have a vague idea who he is since the movie, "Bend it like Beckham," was a big success in the U.S, though few people will know what he looks like. However, I guarantee that folks like my dad have no clue who he is. Beckham may be super huge everywhere else in the world, but I bet he could freely walk around any Wal-Mart and the only thing anyone would notice is his moussed hair.

I do know one thing: he really must stop calling our football "American Football" promptly upon arrival.